Breathe....

It's a dreary Sunday morning. A little chilly and everything is wet from rain. But it almost has a spring-like feel to it. What happened to winter? Whatever it is...let's just keep moving forward. After the tease of warmer temps, I can't imagine the thoughts of snow or a blizzard now. Spring fever is officially hitting.
I spent some time with my neighbor sitting on her front porch drinking coffee this morning. This has become a ritual for us. Weekend mornings sitting on the steps of her porch drinking a cup of coffee just chit chatting about whatever comes to mind. It's definitely something I'm gonna miss when we move back home.
I think the reality of us moving has been looming over this house for it seems like months. It's definitely a bittersweet feeling. But at the same time, it's scary leaving the military. This has been our life for some time now and leaving the security of it into the unknown has been weighing on the whole family. We're at the phase that we're waiting on paperwork to be transcripted and sent off for the Army to decide if he's fit for duty. Even though the doctors here have already said he's not. It always comes down to the Army's final word. And the usual hurry up and wait game.
I'm excited at the thoughts of being near family again. The comfort of seeing them at any given moment. There's excitement about a new house and decorating making it our home. That's always been a positive to moving with the military. But this time...it's going to be our's. Hopefully anyway.
I think what worries me most is my daughter. She's dealing with leaving friends she's had for the past three years. And leaving in the middle of a high school career she's been working so hard on. I know she's struggling with this. And it breaks my heart that I don't know how to help her adjust to this. I do know that where ever we go, and whatever school she goes to, she's going to be fine. It's going to suck for a little while, but I'm praying she can see the good that will come from this move and eventually be excited, or at least happy, about it. As for now, we're making the most of being here in Kansas and enjoying friends and her musicals. All I can do is pray because I definitely don't know what else to do.

I've had a catch in my neck for four days now. I can only assume it's from stress I'm probably holding in. Or I can just say I slept wrong. Which is probably also a truth. Nothing has seemed to be a miraculous cure for it though. Muscle relaxers, massages, electric shock, bio-freeze. I've done it all. I even got hubby to pop my back for me. All of these things help a little...but the knots are still there and the pain is getting annoying. I must practice how to relax again. It's funny how I recall years ago being a single mom with stressors piled up in my life, I would meditate and do yoga and practice relaxing. But now, do I fall back on those things to help the tension? oooh no! Stubborn? maybe. I definitely need to do something though. Frooooshrababa. Is that how that goes?? HAHAHA My hubby says that and it cracks me up (no I haven't seen that movie...whatever it is that it came from). 
My motto right now is............ B r e a t h e.  I can do that. just breathe.

What's the best thing in your life today?

I had a counsellor's appointment today. She asked me what was the best thing right now. I couldn't think of anything. I mean there are good things. But what defines "best"? Finally, after a minute or two I said, "my house is clean." Which isn't really that clean right now, but it's not bad. I felt embarrassed that the only best thing I could come up with was my obsessive compulsive tendencies to clean my house 24/7. So, I kept thinking. She then asked me what am I worrying about most right now. Which of course is money and I answered her almost instantly. She pointed out to me how easy it is to pick up on the negative things in our life. And that I need to stop every day and think about the good things. Even if it is just one and even if it is just the house being clean. After a good five minutes, I did come up with some things I'm working on and a few other things. On the drive home, I decided I'm using the dry erase board in my kitchen to start writing down one thing everyday that's "best" or that I'm happy about or grateful for. A positive thought that I can see and remind myself of. 

She also asks me every time I go there what I'm doing for me. Sad to say, I rarely do things just for me.  I have intentions. Honestly I do. But good intentions don't go very far when it comes to being healthy.  I'm one of these people who has to schedule me time.  That's just so sad. At the end of the visit though, I did realize I have a few projects that I'm going to be working on that can be my me time. It will tap into my creative juices and get them flowing again. This can help.

On a completely different note, I feel very betrayed by the military today. Things that we've been battling for a while now have finally come to a close. And now begins more struggles and frustrations. I just feel completely let down by his previous chain of command. I normally wouldn't say stuff like this because it always comes back to bite ya. But I'm tired of keeping my mouth shut. I'm tired of not saying what I think or feel because it could backlash into something worse. I'm speaking my mind today (without going into detail) and that's that.  It really sucks when you've gone through all the things you've been through and your chain of command drops you like a hot potato when you need support and understanding.
But, on the good side, we're looking at another change in our life story.  Our plans to PCS to Korea have been cancelled. My husband is being medically discharged. He got the paperwork today to begin the med board process. This is a "best" thing!! My husband has been deployed 4 times. He's suffering from so many health problems. The PTSD he suffers from has consumed our lives. This is the best thing for him. I'm really pleased with this.  There will be more to this story in the future I'm sure. Hopefully it'll be good stories and not crap like we've been dealing with lately.

God has a plan for us. I know this. And I can only tell myself that the struggles we're going through right now are leading to something else. There is a mean to the purpose.
We're gonna be fine. :)


Today's Bests:
  My family...they're always there for me!
  Med Board started
  Clean smelling laundry
  Craft projects to work on
  Headache is finally going away
  Heat (yes...it's cold here!!)
  Snuggles from my dog
  spooning with my cat