It's been a very productive day. I am completely exhausted now.
I had three photo sessions today for my project Operation Me: Project Army Wife. They were all amazing. I can't wait to get edits done. Which, of course, will have to wait. I'm so behind on edits from other shoots as well. So, I guess I should get cracking on that this week.
We had so much fun with the shoots today though. Laughing with friends is always a great thing. I'd been fighting a migraine all day too. But I managed to keep it together for the five hours we worked on the sessions.
Please check out a sneak peek of a few photos from today's sessions at http://www.operationme-projectarmywife.blogspot.com
I had tons more I wanted to write about tonight, but it's completely leaving my brain right now. So, I guess it's off to bed.
have a good one ya'll.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Friday, April 20, 2012
Operation Me: Project Army Wife
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
I once was lost....
I've been discussing PTSD with a friend who's husband has recently been diagnosed. Not something that I would have ever imagined I'd be giving advise about in my lifetime. But there it is. During this conversation, I brought up how wives change. And this could be any wife, not just military wives. We bend and change ourselves to fit into our husband's life. And it's true. I've changed so much in the past fives years. Not that it's a completely bad thing. I do have things about myself that are better. Okay...let me explain.
I'm in counselling to help learn how to handle my husband's ptsd. One of the topics that gets brought up alot is "me". What do I do for me? What has happened to "me"? How do I feel? What do I think? So many times since my husband came home from deployment have I pushed back the true and honest me in order to be more. More like what I think he wants me to be. More of a devoted wife. More of a caregiver. More of everything but myself. Granted, I am made up of all these things. But they shouldn't be all consuming to the point that I no longer feel, act, or think the way I used to. I've gotten lost in the day to day shuffle of husband, home, family, army, work, and PTSD/TBI.
This is an existence. Doing what is expected of you and never having a voice. I'm a drone. Created by my own insecurities, fears, and worries.
I'm working on a new project. Although, it's slow to get started, I have quite a few people signing up to work with me on it. (more info to come later about this)
The overall jist of my project is for women (Army wives in particular) to have a day that they are themselves. To reconnect with who YOU are. We all need to remember who we were that our husbands fell in love with. Who we were proud to be. Our individual persons. We're all wives. Mothers. Sisters. Daughters. But at the root of it all, we're women.
I've lost myself. And I'm learning how to get myself back. It's a slow process, but a process I must go through. I don't want others to feel lost like me. I want others to learn that we can be it all. We can do all these things and still have 15 minutes a day to be ourselves. We have to.
In the world we live in today...in this lifestyle of being in the military, there are so many ways to lose ourselves. So many obstacles and challenges out of our control. We need to remember who we are.
I had a counsellor tell me once, you can't take care of everyone else if you don't take care of yourself first. And it's so true.
So, why is it so hard to take all this advise for myself? How do I practice what I preach?
By sharing it with others and passing it forward. It's all I know to do right now.
I'm in counselling to help learn how to handle my husband's ptsd. One of the topics that gets brought up alot is "me". What do I do for me? What has happened to "me"? How do I feel? What do I think? So many times since my husband came home from deployment have I pushed back the true and honest me in order to be more. More like what I think he wants me to be. More of a devoted wife. More of a caregiver. More of everything but myself. Granted, I am made up of all these things. But they shouldn't be all consuming to the point that I no longer feel, act, or think the way I used to. I've gotten lost in the day to day shuffle of husband, home, family, army, work, and PTSD/TBI.
This is an existence. Doing what is expected of you and never having a voice. I'm a drone. Created by my own insecurities, fears, and worries.
I'm working on a new project. Although, it's slow to get started, I have quite a few people signing up to work with me on it. (more info to come later about this)
The overall jist of my project is for women (Army wives in particular) to have a day that they are themselves. To reconnect with who YOU are. We all need to remember who we were that our husbands fell in love with. Who we were proud to be. Our individual persons. We're all wives. Mothers. Sisters. Daughters. But at the root of it all, we're women.
I've lost myself. And I'm learning how to get myself back. It's a slow process, but a process I must go through. I don't want others to feel lost like me. I want others to learn that we can be it all. We can do all these things and still have 15 minutes a day to be ourselves. We have to.
In the world we live in today...in this lifestyle of being in the military, there are so many ways to lose ourselves. So many obstacles and challenges out of our control. We need to remember who we are.
I had a counsellor tell me once, you can't take care of everyone else if you don't take care of yourself first. And it's so true.
So, why is it so hard to take all this advise for myself? How do I practice what I preach?
By sharing it with others and passing it forward. It's all I know to do right now.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
One day at a time....
Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.
So true.
And it's like the saying about You'll never see the trees if you keep looking at the forest.
mmm hmmmm
I'm a here and now kind of person. Live in the moment. Granted, it's good to have goals and a plan for the future. But sometimes...you gotta just live for the now.
And God love my husband, he doesn't remember things like he used to. So, he's always going over things in his mind and asks me the same things over and over not realizing we've discussed it before. From my end...I can usually tolerate it. But catch me on "one of those days" and I know I don't handle it the way I probably should. (I'm sorry honey) Not to mention...how can you repeatedly tell someone something like that without them getting angry or frustrated? It's hard really. What do you do?
And we know we're leaving. This stupid yo-yo roller coaster ride with dates and such is getting pretty old. My daughter is already having a hard enough time adjusting to leaving. So, to be able to enjoy the time we have left here would be wonderful. Without being hell-bent on going. We may not absolutely LOVE it here. But we don't hate it. And we do love some of the things/people here. So, why can't we enjoy the time we have left. We shouldn't make ourselves hate it so we can go go go faster when the army isn't going to let it happen like that. We're along for the ride...so I'm taking pictures.
It's spring break this week. It pretty much sucks so far. Between a severe allergy attack that kept me in bed for almost four days and nothing but rain rain rain, I'd like to request a do-over. Starting.....hmmm...NOW!!
If only...
So true.
And it's like the saying about You'll never see the trees if you keep looking at the forest.
mmm hmmmm
I'm a here and now kind of person. Live in the moment. Granted, it's good to have goals and a plan for the future. But sometimes...you gotta just live for the now.
And God love my husband, he doesn't remember things like he used to. So, he's always going over things in his mind and asks me the same things over and over not realizing we've discussed it before. From my end...I can usually tolerate it. But catch me on "one of those days" and I know I don't handle it the way I probably should. (I'm sorry honey) Not to mention...how can you repeatedly tell someone something like that without them getting angry or frustrated? It's hard really. What do you do?
And we know we're leaving. This stupid yo-yo roller coaster ride with dates and such is getting pretty old. My daughter is already having a hard enough time adjusting to leaving. So, to be able to enjoy the time we have left here would be wonderful. Without being hell-bent on going. We may not absolutely LOVE it here. But we don't hate it. And we do love some of the things/people here. So, why can't we enjoy the time we have left. We shouldn't make ourselves hate it so we can go go go faster when the army isn't going to let it happen like that. We're along for the ride...so I'm taking pictures.
It's spring break this week. It pretty much sucks so far. Between a severe allergy attack that kept me in bed for almost four days and nothing but rain rain rain, I'd like to request a do-over. Starting.....hmmm...NOW!!
If only...
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Breathe....
It's a dreary Sunday morning. A little chilly and everything is wet from rain. But it almost has a spring-like feel to it. What happened to winter? Whatever it is...let's just keep moving forward. After the tease of warmer temps, I can't imagine the thoughts of snow or a blizzard now. Spring fever is officially hitting.
I spent some time with my neighbor sitting on her front porch drinking coffee this morning. This has become a ritual for us. Weekend mornings sitting on the steps of her porch drinking a cup of coffee just chit chatting about whatever comes to mind. It's definitely something I'm gonna miss when we move back home.
I think the reality of us moving has been looming over this house for it seems like months. It's definitely a bittersweet feeling. But at the same time, it's scary leaving the military. This has been our life for some time now and leaving the security of it into the unknown has been weighing on the whole family. We're at the phase that we're waiting on paperwork to be transcripted and sent off for the Army to decide if he's fit for duty. Even though the doctors here have already said he's not. It always comes down to the Army's final word. And the usual hurry up and wait game.
I'm excited at the thoughts of being near family again. The comfort of seeing them at any given moment. There's excitement about a new house and decorating making it our home. That's always been a positive to moving with the military. But this time...it's going to be our's. Hopefully anyway.
I think what worries me most is my daughter. She's dealing with leaving friends she's had for the past three years. And leaving in the middle of a high school career she's been working so hard on. I know she's struggling with this. And it breaks my heart that I don't know how to help her adjust to this. I do know that where ever we go, and whatever school she goes to, she's going to be fine. It's going to suck for a little while, but I'm praying she can see the good that will come from this move and eventually be excited, or at least happy, about it. As for now, we're making the most of being here in Kansas and enjoying friends and her musicals. All I can do is pray because I definitely don't know what else to do.
I've had a catch in my neck for four days now. I can only assume it's from stress I'm probably holding in. Or I can just say I slept wrong. Which is probably also a truth. Nothing has seemed to be a miraculous cure for it though. Muscle relaxers, massages, electric shock, bio-freeze. I've done it all. I even got hubby to pop my back for me. All of these things help a little...but the knots are still there and the pain is getting annoying. I must practice how to relax again. It's funny how I recall years ago being a single mom with stressors piled up in my life, I would meditate and do yoga and practice relaxing. But now, do I fall back on those things to help the tension? oooh no! Stubborn? maybe. I definitely need to do something though. Frooooshrababa. Is that how that goes?? HAHAHA My hubby says that and it cracks me up (no I haven't seen that movie...whatever it is that it came from).
My motto right now is............ B r e a t h e. I can do that. just breathe.
I spent some time with my neighbor sitting on her front porch drinking coffee this morning. This has become a ritual for us. Weekend mornings sitting on the steps of her porch drinking a cup of coffee just chit chatting about whatever comes to mind. It's definitely something I'm gonna miss when we move back home.
I think the reality of us moving has been looming over this house for it seems like months. It's definitely a bittersweet feeling. But at the same time, it's scary leaving the military. This has been our life for some time now and leaving the security of it into the unknown has been weighing on the whole family. We're at the phase that we're waiting on paperwork to be transcripted and sent off for the Army to decide if he's fit for duty. Even though the doctors here have already said he's not. It always comes down to the Army's final word. And the usual hurry up and wait game.
I'm excited at the thoughts of being near family again. The comfort of seeing them at any given moment. There's excitement about a new house and decorating making it our home. That's always been a positive to moving with the military. But this time...it's going to be our's. Hopefully anyway.
I think what worries me most is my daughter. She's dealing with leaving friends she's had for the past three years. And leaving in the middle of a high school career she's been working so hard on. I know she's struggling with this. And it breaks my heart that I don't know how to help her adjust to this. I do know that where ever we go, and whatever school she goes to, she's going to be fine. It's going to suck for a little while, but I'm praying she can see the good that will come from this move and eventually be excited, or at least happy, about it. As for now, we're making the most of being here in Kansas and enjoying friends and her musicals. All I can do is pray because I definitely don't know what else to do.
I've had a catch in my neck for four days now. I can only assume it's from stress I'm probably holding in. Or I can just say I slept wrong. Which is probably also a truth. Nothing has seemed to be a miraculous cure for it though. Muscle relaxers, massages, electric shock, bio-freeze. I've done it all. I even got hubby to pop my back for me. All of these things help a little...but the knots are still there and the pain is getting annoying. I must practice how to relax again. It's funny how I recall years ago being a single mom with stressors piled up in my life, I would meditate and do yoga and practice relaxing. But now, do I fall back on those things to help the tension? oooh no! Stubborn? maybe. I definitely need to do something though. Frooooshrababa. Is that how that goes?? HAHAHA My hubby says that and it cracks me up (no I haven't seen that movie...whatever it is that it came from).
My motto right now is............ B r e a t h e. I can do that. just breathe.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Famous Quotes of the Week
Quotes that may not be famous yet...but they should be.
"Sheesh Mom....grow some ovaries!!" - my 16 year old daughter
"Ay. Ay. Ay. Ay" (as said in the tone of the seagulls on Finding Nemo) - my 16 year old daughter and her two 16 year old friends on a car ride home.
"Mine. Mine. mine. mine." - the soldier working gate guard duty after hearing previous quote and spoken in the same tone of the seagulls on Finding Nemo
"Mrs. Shackelford, thanks for what you do." - one of the students where I work :)
"I think I've seen that movie" - me, after hearing the teenage girls conversation about a movie showing teenagers trying to decide what movie to watch.
"I went to the commissary, but I just got the necessities." - my hubby, after purchasing Coca-cola and milk. My world is complete. :)
"I think you're in a better place now than you were a few months ago." - my counsellor. :)
"Sheesh Mom....grow some ovaries!!" - my 16 year old daughter
"Ay. Ay. Ay. Ay" (as said in the tone of the seagulls on Finding Nemo) - my 16 year old daughter and her two 16 year old friends on a car ride home.
"Mine. Mine. mine. mine." - the soldier working gate guard duty after hearing previous quote and spoken in the same tone of the seagulls on Finding Nemo
"Mrs. Shackelford, thanks for what you do." - one of the students where I work :)
"I think I've seen that movie" - me, after hearing the teenage girls conversation about a movie showing teenagers trying to decide what movie to watch.
"I went to the commissary, but I just got the necessities." - my hubby, after purchasing Coca-cola and milk. My world is complete. :)
"I think you're in a better place now than you were a few months ago." - my counsellor. :)
Sunday, February 26, 2012
It's getting real.
I've been working pretty hard on the photography thing lately. I have finished all my classes and I'm down to the last two projects. I've been racking my brain on one of the projects for weeks now trying to decide what to do. It's a still life project with the scenario being for an art gallery. I'm trying to stay away from anything that looks commercial, which is what my thoughts tend to drift back to. My artistic muse is spinning it's wheels. Definitely time to do some random, thoughtless, creative shoots that will kick-start my genius creativity.
I've done 5 studio shoots in the past week. All of which are sitting on an SD card waiting to be editted since my computer went in for repair a week ago. Do you know how lost it feels not having the computer? It's not like I don't have three other computers in the house. But that one is MY computer I do ALL my work on. But I can say, the Geek Squad at Best Buy have this wonderful tracker. I've tracked the progress on my computer every day. And it's finally been received, repaired, and shipped back to the store. I'm just waiting for it to reach the store and I get the call/notification that I can pick it up. Which will mean I will drop everything that day and go get it. HA!
I've also been working on getting my photography business up and running. Not that I wasn't already doing professional shoots. BUT...I have a studio set up now, as well as a light kit. I feel so professional. It's getting real. So, I spent yesterday morning taking inventory of all my equipment and props. I'm no where near done with this list. I just have a general version of it right now. But I have technical work to do as far as keeping track of serial numbers, etc. My files with equipment receipts, etc have been started. I've got a rough outline of the contract I will be using, as well as estimates, rights releases, etc. I also have business cards ready to be designed and printed. AND my portfolio is a constant work in progress. I need to have those shots printed and placed in this spectacular portfolio binder that I can thank my mother for (thanks Mom!).
I went through all the pictures I've done during photo shoots this weekend and I've realized how far I've come in just this past year. My compositions, poses, lighting, everything has gotten so much better. I'd like to say it's from the classes I've taken, but I think most of it has been through practice. And I'm so proud of myself and so pleased with how my shots are turning out now. Most of them in the last shoot, I will barely have to touch in the editting process. :) yay me!
here are a few for your viewing pleasure.... (all photos copyright Shari Shackelford 2012. Any use, copying, alterations, etc not authorized!)
Today is a beautiful day and I'm seriously considering going out to take some pics. That is once my arthritis meds kick in and I don't feel like I'm dragging cement blocks around with me.
Stay tuned for more of my photography business. And if you're local, send me a message and I'll get your session scheduled. ;)
I've done 5 studio shoots in the past week. All of which are sitting on an SD card waiting to be editted since my computer went in for repair a week ago. Do you know how lost it feels not having the computer? It's not like I don't have three other computers in the house. But that one is MY computer I do ALL my work on. But I can say, the Geek Squad at Best Buy have this wonderful tracker. I've tracked the progress on my computer every day. And it's finally been received, repaired, and shipped back to the store. I'm just waiting for it to reach the store and I get the call/notification that I can pick it up. Which will mean I will drop everything that day and go get it. HA!
I've also been working on getting my photography business up and running. Not that I wasn't already doing professional shoots. BUT...I have a studio set up now, as well as a light kit. I feel so professional. It's getting real. So, I spent yesterday morning taking inventory of all my equipment and props. I'm no where near done with this list. I just have a general version of it right now. But I have technical work to do as far as keeping track of serial numbers, etc. My files with equipment receipts, etc have been started. I've got a rough outline of the contract I will be using, as well as estimates, rights releases, etc. I also have business cards ready to be designed and printed. AND my portfolio is a constant work in progress. I need to have those shots printed and placed in this spectacular portfolio binder that I can thank my mother for (thanks Mom!).
I went through all the pictures I've done during photo shoots this weekend and I've realized how far I've come in just this past year. My compositions, poses, lighting, everything has gotten so much better. I'd like to say it's from the classes I've taken, but I think most of it has been through practice. And I'm so proud of myself and so pleased with how my shots are turning out now. Most of them in the last shoot, I will barely have to touch in the editting process. :) yay me!
here are a few for your viewing pleasure.... (all photos copyright Shari Shackelford 2012. Any use, copying, alterations, etc not authorized!)
Today is a beautiful day and I'm seriously considering going out to take some pics. That is once my arthritis meds kick in and I don't feel like I'm dragging cement blocks around with me.
Stay tuned for more of my photography business. And if you're local, send me a message and I'll get your session scheduled. ;)
Shari
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