Saturday, May 7, 2011

I'm back ....and a re-cap

So, I'm back. I noticed it's been almost a year. So much has been going on since then. (this is where you duh! lol) So...let's do a re-cap shall we?
I got a job working for the school district. My stepkids came to live with us for the school year. My husband came home from deployment. We've done alot of travelling. My husband and I both have had lots of health problems.
So, now, the stepkids will be going back to their mom because the school year is almost over (we're down to two weeks. BOO!!!!). I've enrolled in classes for the next year. And our general life right now is just to "be". We make it day to day.
I wrote a note (which should have been a blog on here) back in February. It was about learning how to deal with my husband having ptsd. And I wish I had blogged it here because I have to admit, I felt so much better after posting it. And I really want to talk more about this in future blogs (this is my therapy now).
We're still learning how to adapt to the ptsd. We're so much more open now. We communicate more. Even though we're having a hard time learning how to express ourselves...we're at least getting it out there. This coming from me who's always been she-who-hides-her-feelings. I still have a hard time expressing them in the correct manner (ie...saying things the right way at the right time). At least now I don't feel like every argument and disagreement will end in some horrible traumatic ending. (I apparently have issues with that) lol And, as my husband puts it, I am "authorized to have feelings". Sounds very clinical in an army issue sort of way, doesn't it? LOL He does listen. ;)
I've also had another health thing come up that's been life changing. I was diagnosed with osteoarthritis (which was a given), osteoporosis, and peripheral vascular disease with intermittent claudication. MEANING: The arthritis means my joints are shot. It's all sports related and just basic wear and tear on my body. The osteoporosis, they found when I had an elevated level of calcium in my bloodwork. The peripheral vascular disease, aka really bad circulation, is caused by the calcium (and probably cholesterol) building up in my veins which cause the intermittent claudication (seriously wicked pain). In a nut shell....the more my blood pumps through my veins, the worse the pain is. So, the more I walk the more pain I have. To get rid of the osteoporosis, I need to exercise. To exercise I need the blood flowing. To get the blood flowing, I have pain. I'm screwed. LOL
Not completely. I was told I can do resistance exercises. Not sure how well that works on getting rid of all this extra weight I've put on the past couple years. But,'s worth a shot. I'm definitely wanting to get back into yoga. I feel like I say this over and over but never commit to doing anything about it all. I've seriously had a reality check after all this though. I have to wear these support leggings when I'm on my feet alot. Which really sucks most of the time. But they do help with the pain. Now I have really bad spider veins and varicose veins in my legs. Which remind me of my grandmother. She had vascular thrombosis or something like that. Whatever it looks horrible. And I keep thinking I'm never going to look young again. Am I ever going to feel any better than this? Will it just get worse from here? It's very depressing actually. And I think that's where my lack of motivation comes in. I feel like I'm caught in a catch 22 and can't win for losing. All this before I even make an effort. Loser. lol
So...back to the blogging. I need this as a therapeutic way to vent and voice my thoughts. Since I seem to be able to type it out better than say it. ;)