There's alot of times in my life when I suppress emotions. Okay...so more than alot of times. Pretty much all the time I will suppress emotions. Especially if said emotion is anger, depression, worry, etc. With everything that's been going on in our lives lately, I've felt ALOT of anger the past week. And I can't say that I really know why I'm angry. I'm sure if I thought about it, I could pinpoint why...but as a general overall feeling, I'm just angry.So, tonight, I'm going to have a good old fashioned b*tch-fest. I'll be doing this in random form. No particular order and I'm going to do my best to keep names out. Soooooooo....I'm sure I'm going to offend someone....and I hope that if said anger is in someway directed towards you that you understand why and where I'm coming from. If not, please understand these are my thoughts, my emotions. These are things that I'm dealing with. I carry this with me alot and the fact that I am getting it out is a good thing. Let me process the best way I can.
- I'm angry because I feel pushed out and not included. That makes me feel insignificant and unimportant. I then feel as if I'm not really loved and all the worry and love I put forth is not reciprocated.
- I hate the way you talk to him! You do NOT have the right to do that anymore! so stop it!!! I know it's second nature for you to put him/people down. But you're being called out on it now! STOP already and get over yourself!!!
- I hate that I NEVER say what I want to say to you. Being such a nice person sucks sometimes! OOH the things I could say to you!!!
- I'm angry because you cast judgement before you know the story!
- I'm angry because things have gotten out of control and they're your fault!! Why did you do this???
- I wish I could have a day to myself to relax and do whatever I want. My body hurts. I'm tired. I want to sleep late. I want to eat whatever I want and not worry about gaining weight. I want to spoil myself and indulge in things that aren't good for my body once in a while just because I miss it. I'm angry that I give things up because of someone else or because I think I have to.
- I don't want to do what I'm told or what I should.
- It annoys me that the dishes pile up in the sink and the dishwasher never gets emptied (or loaded) unless I do it or ask someone to do it. I shouldn't have to ask. It's obvious.
- Same goes for the trash being taken out. Laundry to be folded/put away. TOILET PAPER!! omg really?!?! put it on the roll. It takes 2 seconds.
- I'm really not angry at my family for said things above. they're just little annoyances. Everyday things that irk me. Just wanted to throw them out there. Somedays, however, it really does build up and bother me to the point of being angry. But today its just annoying.
Since I've done some of the things that make me angry/annoyed....I do have some things I am grateful for.
- I love my family
- I love that my dog gives me cuddles and is always there for me to pet on her just so I can feel better. lol
- I love that my cat will paw at my face when I'm in bed to get my attention.
- I love that my husband is supportive of my photography obsession. :) I think I can bring him to the dark side. ;)
- I love that my friends are all goofballs! i love them!
- I love that my daughter found a $5 bill on the ground and spent it on a bag of dark chocolate truffles for me. (technically she ate my last bag of truffles...but she still thought of me to buy me more)
- I love that my kids have morals and values...even if its questionable some days. Makes me feel validated as a good mother.
- I love that I sat down in the chair in my flower garden today in the sun and dozed off.
There's so many things I am thankful for. And it helps to put things in focus when the negative tends to consume your being if you let it. It just looks better when you write it out and can see everything there in front of you.