Monday, October 24, 2011

Cats & Dogs....and stuff

I feel like a little Monday randomness. But does anyone really read my random stuff? Eh...who cares.

- My cat is so stinking cute. As I lay in bed, he usually is sitting beside me or curled up spooning with me. And when he wants my attention, he will take his soft little paw and pat me on the cheek or whatever is closest to him. EEE i love this!
 Although, Charles got up to go to work the other day and was going to take a picture because the cat was sitting beside me and staring at my face as I slept. He said it was very Stephen King The Cat's Eye. 
I wish he had gotten the picture. That's so creepy.

- I've been without arthritis medicine for three days now. Yes, I called in the refill but of course I waited too late to call it in and it was over a weekend. Bah! But at least I have it now. Today was the roughest of the three days. My legs, ankles, knees, and back have been horribly painful. Thankfully I'm laying down relaxing now in a warm blanket. Life is good.

- I've done alot of projects lately. I jazzed up a fall wreath for my front door. Finally got my fall/Halloween decorations out. And hubby has been building furniture like freaking Broyhill or something. So, I've been painting and adding my touch to everything.  I've been working on this nightstand for a few days now and I'm just not feeling the distressing technique I used. So, I may be back to the drawing board.....or paint can I should say.

- I'm ecstatic that this week is a short week at work.  It's Parent/Teacher Conference week so we're out of school on Thursday and Friday. Happy Day Happy Day! I can't wait!

- After all the stupid crap that had been going on with my hubby and his work, we've been trying to cut back some.  In order to save money, we decided to have the cable turned off. GASP! I'm kinda freaking out a little over this. Today was the first day without it and it's so quiet here. I did get alot of project work time. But, still....I'm kinda freaking out. There's literallly NO T.V. None! Well...we do have Netflix. But only downstairs. Guess I'm going to have to get out the Lord of the Rings extended dvd collector's edition set and start watching them again. LOL $10 says hubby turns at least the basic cable back on after a week of Frodo and Gandalf. HAHAHA

- I honestly could go to sleep right now.

- I've been doing alot of homework/studying on my class & camera.  I have a pretty big shoot coming up in a couple weeks and I'm trying to make sure I'm ready for it. I'm a little nervous. But it's going to be great! It'll definitely be a learning experience. I can't wait.

- I took the pup out for a walk this evening. She was so hyper I figured she needed out of the house for a bit. While out in the yard, she ran (at top speed) with the leash extended as far as it would go, in circles around me about 10 times. I felt like I was trotting a horse around. LOL

- Today's "Bests"
  * Craft projects
  * kitty paws
  * 80 degree temps
  * my bed


Thursday, October 20, 2011

What's the best thing in your life today?

I had a counsellor's appointment today. She asked me what was the best thing right now. I couldn't think of anything. I mean there are good things. But what defines "best"? Finally, after a minute or two I said, "my house is clean." Which isn't really that clean right now, but it's not bad. I felt embarrassed that the only best thing I could come up with was my obsessive compulsive tendencies to clean my house 24/7. So, I kept thinking. She then asked me what am I worrying about most right now. Which of course is money and I answered her almost instantly. She pointed out to me how easy it is to pick up on the negative things in our life. And that I need to stop every day and think about the good things. Even if it is just one and even if it is just the house being clean. After a good five minutes, I did come up with some things I'm working on and a few other things. On the drive home, I decided I'm using the dry erase board in my kitchen to start writing down one thing everyday that's "best" or that I'm happy about or grateful for. A positive thought that I can see and remind myself of. 

She also asks me every time I go there what I'm doing for me. Sad to say, I rarely do things just for me.  I have intentions. Honestly I do. But good intentions don't go very far when it comes to being healthy.  I'm one of these people who has to schedule me time.  That's just so sad. At the end of the visit though, I did realize I have a few projects that I'm going to be working on that can be my me time. It will tap into my creative juices and get them flowing again. This can help.

On a completely different note, I feel very betrayed by the military today. Things that we've been battling for a while now have finally come to a close. And now begins more struggles and frustrations. I just feel completely let down by his previous chain of command. I normally wouldn't say stuff like this because it always comes back to bite ya. But I'm tired of keeping my mouth shut. I'm tired of not saying what I think or feel because it could backlash into something worse. I'm speaking my mind today (without going into detail) and that's that.  It really sucks when you've gone through all the things you've been through and your chain of command drops you like a hot potato when you need support and understanding.
But, on the good side, we're looking at another change in our life story.  Our plans to PCS to Korea have been cancelled. My husband is being medically discharged. He got the paperwork today to begin the med board process. This is a "best" thing!! My husband has been deployed 4 times. He's suffering from so many health problems. The PTSD he suffers from has consumed our lives. This is the best thing for him. I'm really pleased with this.  There will be more to this story in the future I'm sure. Hopefully it'll be good stories and not crap like we've been dealing with lately.

God has a plan for us. I know this. And I can only tell myself that the struggles we're going through right now are leading to something else. There is a mean to the purpose.
We're gonna be fine. :)

Today's Bests:
  My family...they're always there for me!
  Med Board started
  Clean smelling laundry
  Craft projects to work on
  Headache is finally going away
  Heat ('s cold here!!)
  Snuggles from my dog
  spooning with my cat

Thursday, October 13, 2011


My twin sister tells me yesterday over the phone that I should be expecting a package today and not to assume its from anyone before I read the message on the packing slip. She pauses. Then says it'll be arriving UPS. Then pauses. Throws in that she expects a blog about my reaction when I open it. She pauses. I said "If I wait long enough you'll tell me what it is." She didn't. But knowing our birthday's just around the corner, who knows about her. She sucks at keeping secrets like that. She can't stand the excitement! haha I love you seester!
So, I get home today and sure enough, I have a package. The box says it's from  I cut the box open and look inside and my instant reaction was "NO FREAKING WAY!!!".  As everyone knows, I'm studying photography and have been doing photo sessions lately to improve myself. So, to my shock when I opened the box I found this....................
I was so excited!! Because I've been looking at lenses and was hoping for a new one. When I picked it up out of the box however, I realized this didn't weigh anything like a lens of this quality should weigh. Then I notice this.............
awwwwww!!! was a coffee mug!! HAHAHAHAHA Good one sister!!
But that's also great! Cause I loooove me some coffee!!! So, I guess the next pic I'll be taking will be of me drinking out of my lens mug! haha

Thanks Seester!!! I love you!!!!

There was also a catalog in the box from this website.  I understand why they call it that. It's got some geeky sort of stuff in it. And I use geeky in the best way possible!! Like there's some really cool novelty items in there. I could actually see us ordering some of this stuff for the kids.
Like...a Harry Potter wand which is a tv remote. That would be cool. They also had science type stuff, spy stuff. Just check out the website if you get bored. It was entertaining for about five minutes.

Another geeky thing related to science and photography...the classes I work with at school had to dissect a cow eye in science class today. So of course, I took pictures. I even donned gloves and got in there and helped cut fat and muscle from around the eye. That didn't bother me at all. The smell, however, made me nauseous. I was so queasy when I left work today. And it took quite a while to get over it and the thoughts of cutting that meaty/fleshy/smelly stuff. But overall it was very interesting. My favorite part was the tapetum (one of the kids favorite terms).  That was pretty awesome. Imagine these pictures showing up in the school's yearbook. BAHAHAHA

Guess I'm off to the commissary to get sustenance for the family. Otherwise we're gonna waste away to nothing.

Have a good one ya'll!!

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Homecoming (the high school football variety)

It's been a fairly low-key weekend. Other than the fact that my daughter went to Homecoming at school last night. Which  meant an entire day of preparations. We had already purchased her dress about a week ago. My hubby always does the shaking his head thing when it comes to her dresses. My daughter is growing up too fast and I think some of the dresses she tries on don't grow with her. lol Poor thing. But she got the dress she really loved after two days of searching. She came home from school one day last week and said "you're not going to believe this." Which made me think...omg someone else has the same dress (insert sarcasm).  She tells me that the school does this video of "what not to wear".  And her dress was on it!
HAHAHA I couldn't help but laugh. I asked her why. The dress of course is that's a no-go. But we knew that already and she had a short cardigan she wears over strapless or spaghetti strap dresses. Plus the dress was used for the example of being too short. ugh! That did kind of worry me because my daughter has some legs! And she did have to keep tugging it down a little. But they came to fingertip length so we were praying it would be okay. And once we got there last night and I saw some of the other girls in their dresses....she wasn't going to have a problem.
One of my friends (and neighbor) happens to do hair. My daughter bartered with her to have her hair done for babysitting time. And I have to say, her hair looked amazing!

Before homecoming, she and her friends wanted me to take some pictures (since I am in college for photography). So wouldn't ya know, it rained. I take tons of pictures outdoors because I love the lighting. Indoor lighting I haven't quite mastered yet (or night time pics either). But we did a few and the indoor pictures actually turned out better than the outdoor. Granted, I haven't done any editting as of yet. I was too tired last night to deal with it. 
I'm sure they had a great time. I'm still waiting to hear all the stories.

But's a couple of the pics (pre-editting).

**These pictures are not to be used, copied, or altered in any way!!**

Friday, October 7, 2011

Autumn makes me feel...

homesick! Autumn reminds me of being back home. Home being West Virginia/Virginia.  I spent my childhood in both states (we lived on the state line). And there's nothing quite like the mountains being covered in red, orange, and yellow leaves this time of year.  Our family had a tradition of having a picnic back in the woods every fall. I really miss that.
We went to the Riverwalk today because we'd heard the colors were awesome right now. We were disappointed to say the least. There were no reds, very little orange. Everything was still green with the changing leaves appearing yellow or brown. Hmph.
But...I will say just being out there was still wonderful.  I took some amazing pictures. At least, I think they're amazing, and I had a great time taking them. (These pics were taken in Kansas. for the record)
I'll share a few here if you haven't already seen them on facebook. :)

(All images copyright by me. Copy or use of these images is not allowed!)

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

I'll have a mental health day and a grande mocha with whipped cream please.

How does one go about taking a mental health day? Does it have to be a dramatic encounter ending in a day off laying in a stupor watching 80's tv show re-runs with drool puddling on your couch cushions?
Or can you just pretend to be sick? Or is it perfectly acceptable to say "I need a mental health day"? Do you schedule it? or just let it happen?

Do we see a pattern here? 

So, once on a "mental health" day...what would one do? Does it work like the previous scenario I mentioned? Or do you get dressed up and go out on the town? Or is this one of those days thats all hush-hush and you have to hide out in your house pretending you're really un-well and not able to go anywhere since you obviously didn't go to work?

I've been thinking about a day just for me. But I don't understand why I'm going about this like buying a car. I have to talk myself into it. It's a big step. I can't decide what to do. And I don't know why this is such a hard thing for me. Probably because I don't miss work unless I have to. I've always been one to go to work even when I've been sick as a dog. Yes, I am one of those people who are so dedicated to my job that I will subject making everyone I come into contact with as deathly ill as I am just so I don't miss a day of work.
Okay...slight exaggeration. If I'm deathly ill, I do stay home. Otherwise, yes, I am at work. I think I have serious issues because I feel guilty if I'm not at work.  I don't understand this. And I'm not sure if any counselling would ever really figure this out.

I'd rather plan it all out before I actually have that dramatic encounter/meltdown that forces me to stay home
If I do have a day off, just for me, with no one to answer to or take care of, I think I would like to sleep in. Then coffee and some time with my puppy. Picture taking, A nice slow walk to take in my surroundings. Maybe read a book.
.All this sounds so wonderful. But I don't know that it would really happen that way. Knowing me, I'd be the one laying in a puddle of my own saliva on the couch watching re-runs of something stupid.
hmph. Whichever.
It still sounds wonderful to me.


Sunday, October 2, 2011

Triggers and Landmines

Living with someone who has PTSD is kinda like living in a field of landmines. Most of the time, life goes on, like normal. That's when you're walking around the outer perimeters of the landmines. You know they are there, but everything's going okay. Then something happens, you trip into the mines and there's an explosion. That's when he has an "episode". 
My husband's episodes usually consist of him getting angry (or feeling rage) over something. Sometimes, it consists of what I call "shut-down mode".  He pretty much shuts down and just goes through the motions of whatever he's doing. There's no talking, no emotions. No interaction what so ever.
And from my side, I never really know what it is that triggers them. So, that of course puts me into cautious mode. I don't want to make it worse or trigger something again. So, I walk on tip-toes avoiding the landmines. Which I think is a trigger all in itself.  The fact that I'm tip-toeing around. But what else do I do?
I don't know how to react to this.
Especially when it happens in public, I just want to cry. I don't know what to do. I don't know what's going to happen. So, I just hurry and do what we are out for and go so we can get back home. At least at home, we can go separate ways until everything has de-escalated and gone back to normal.  Is this how life is going to be now? How do we deal with this? 
How do I be supportive without being too motherly or overbearing?
And how do I show my emotions without them triggering an episode? Should I pretend I have none as well?

How do we learn to live with this?

Saturday, October 1, 2011

This is NOT sleeping in!

I'm exhausted. It's been an exhausting week. Eh...who am I kidding? It's been an exhausting several weeks. So, I kinda wanted to sleep in today. Didn't happen. At least not in the definition of what I consider to be "sleeping in". 
Sleeping in when you're a teenager is completely different as an adult. When I was a teenager and wanted to sleep in, anywhere near noon or afternoon qualified.  The age that I'm at now, anywhere before 9 am qualifies. what the hell? It doesn't even feel the same. Even back in the early 20's and clubbing days, you could still get a good sleep in until 2 or 3 pm. But now....good Lord that's just a day of your life gone you'll never get back.
These days, it's always something stupid that wakes you up. Like, you have to pee at 8 am every morning. Stupid bladder.
Or the dog has to pee at 7 am. Stupid dog's bladder.

So, this morning, this is how I woke up...
First my back was hurting. so I tossed and turned a little.
Then, I felt the urge to pee. Then the back thing again.  Then the dog started pawing at me.
She finally gave up and laid down, I still need to pee at this point but am determined to go back to sleep. Then the back thing. And light is shining through the blinds in my face. Cover my head with a pillow.
Then at 8:30 sharp, my husbands alarm goes off on his phone. At which point, I cannot get it turned off and fought with it for 45 seconds which felt like 10 minutes into eternity!
I gave up and went to pee.

I'm back in bed now just relaxing. But I'm thinking about all the things we're doing today. And the post-wide yard sales are going on. I really need to go looking for a chair for my desk.
But it's so comfy here in my bed. Maybe I'll go to the yard sale next door and I can say I went.

I just had a massive scare! You type and type then all of a sudden the entire screen is highlighted and's gone.
I literally yelled out loud..."NOOOOOOOOOOO". 
Thank God for back arrow buttons.

Anyway, I'm completely random this morning, I'm going to either a) get up and get dressed or b) roll over with my precious cat who's laying here purring like a fine European sports car.

Have a great Saturday!