Wednesday, September 5, 2012

I once was lost...Now I am found...

Oh sheesh...where should I start?? I'm so far behind on my blogging.
Uhh...fast recap.... We have moved away from Kansas. We're in Tennessee. We still have no home. We are hanging in there, living with family and friends helping us out.
I'm still looking for a job. Hubby is officially retired from the military now. And we're still waiting on retirement and/or VA benefits to kick in.
We're still in Transition.

Before we left Kansas, I entered my biography to a group to attend a retreat for spouses/caregivers for wounded warriors. I was chosen to go!! So, this past weekend, I went to Nashville for four days. Everyone assumed I would be pampered and get to sleep all day and do all these wonderful things. And, I did. But not like they had imagined. We were pampered! That's for sure! We were given love and understanding...unconditionally. We were given wonderful things! We were taught how to see life situations in a more healthy way. We were given tools to help us live our life to the best of our ability. The only thing we were lacking this weekend was sleep. HAHAHA And that was by our own choice I think.

I could go through and tell you each and every detail of all the things we did this past weekend. But, I'm not. We had amazing dinners, we worked with horses, we met wonderful people, we went to the Grand Ole Opry.
All of these things are all amazing! But the purpose of the weekend and the most important thing was what we got out of it.

Here's what I got out of the weekend....
I was given a chance to release everything toxic inside my soul.
I was given a shoulder to cry on.
I was reminded that I have a voice.
I learned how to use my voice again.
I learned that I can control myself, but not those around me or my environment.
It's all about how I respond to my environment.
It is okay for me to do things for myself. It's actually encouraged and required.

The biggest epiphany I had all weekend:
The past five years that I believed I had little to no power because I was married. I wasn't a powerful single mother anymore. I always believed that my power had been taken away. When in all actuality, it wasn't taken away. I GAVE IT AWAY!! I gave it away without even knowing it. And it's never been kept from me. It has been offered back to me on more occasions than I even know. All I have to do is know it's there and feel the power that I DO HAVE!
Can you imagine how amazing that felt for me?? I have regained what I thought I had lost. Well, not regained so much as reaffirmed what has been there the whole time that I psychologically had myself convinced was not.

I went into the weekend thinking there would be this amazing opening of the Heavens with angels singing down on me. This of course did not happen. I had several "ah-ha" moments and realizations about things. And I know this is a process.
Just like we were taught this weekend... The goal to life is the process.

amen to that!!



2 comments:

  1. Wonderfully written Shari! And yes, the sleep deprivation was what we did to ourselves...LOL. I know I only slept a total of 12 hours the entire time we were there but I didn't want to miss a single moment of spending time with you wonderful gals.

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